Phone was always the problem, mums were right; in life or in a relationship. It started with the phone being the bug in the relationship, where at the dinner table one partner would sit facing the wall and the other dug deep into the little screen. And of course, like all the things in the world, the world came up with a name for that, Phubbing, aka, phone snubbing. Phubbing is the act of ignoring a person or your immediate social surroundings to focus on a smartphone or mobile device instead.
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And then came the apps, expecting you to be online always, because turning off your internet was suddenly a crime. Now, we are looking at a new possible third wheel of relationships, ChatGPT. They say communication is the key, but increasingly, it seems like the lock is rusted and there’s no way a human can open it up. So, here comes, AI for the rescue. People are not talking to their partners about problems in the relationship but turning to ChatGPT for solutions to partner related problems. In some cases, the results are fruitful but for the most part, getting this ‘objective look’ at the relationship does more harm than any ounce of good. Research by Mental Health UK revealed that more than 1 in 3 people are using AI chatbots as de facto therapists. Recent analysis from researchers at the University of Oxford’s Internet Institute found that 38% of regular large language model (LLM) users said they trusted ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini and the like for advice on personal relationships.
This has given rise to the concept of ‘dry chatting,’ a practice where people use AI chatbots for a ‘dry run.’ This is exactly what it sounds like. People use AI to do a trial conversation before engaging in the real deal. It can be to put their feelings and emotions across in a more articulate way or sometimes when they are just looking for validation for their actions. That’s a pretty bold line, that should not be crossed. Because there are always healthy ways of using AI for conversations. When someone wants to talk to talk about setting boundaries without sounding too rude, or when someone is going through a breakup and just wants to talk or vent at 2 a.m. when all friends are sleeping peacefully. But, in these cases too, the line should be taken care of.
That’s because this dry run can turn into something problematic in no time. Because a chatbot is not human, people may perceive it as an all-knowing, unbiased third party. However, the reality is far more complex. Turning to AI as a substitute for a relationship counsellor or a friend can sometimes turn the other way round, potentially creating new problems rather than resolving existing ones. The AI can tell you things you want to hear in a ‘processing time of 6 seconds,’ but it doesn’t know about your past, your experiences, the relationships you share, the partner’s perspective and above all, the feeling of being a human being.
Due to this, AI chatbots have turned to becoming the third person in the relationship, the one that is potentially going to tear it apart. The real danger lies in allowing a chatbot to become the final authority on what happens between two people. A relationship needs uncomfortable conversations, mutual understanding and the willingness to listen, even when the truth hurts. AI can help you find the words, but it cannot replace the conversation itself. So, the next time you feel tempted to ask ChatGPT what your partner really meant, pause. Perhaps the answer you need isn’t on a screen, but sitting right across from you.
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